2013 New Year

Prompted by a letter from the Sunflower group and some other sources.

I read through the resolutions I've made at the start of the year, 2012. Though it was made under different circumstances, in different areas & aspects of my life then, the resolutions were mostly, if not all, similar. 

"I want to improve on blah blah blah..", "I wanna achieve blah blah blah milestone", and the usual kinship/friendship/worldpeace resolutions wishes many would have.

Glad to say, I certainly did fulfil certain resolutions.

But seriously, how boring those resolutions are.

For instance, if you had wanted to be a kinder/warm/helpful/etc person, and true enough, you started making efforts to help people around, brighten up people's day and such. So what? You're a happier person by doing these? Or are you just making efforts to conform to the social norm. To please the crowd. To be somewhere above when measured against the society benchmark.

(Then again, what is The Benchmark right?)

Haven't been exactly excited to fulfil my resolutions for 2012.

Even though more often than not, people do not even actualise their resolutions.

I think I need to set better more suitable ones this year.

None of them to do with the society, and heck trying to be a 'good person' kind. Not to be influenced by anyone else. Not for anyone.

On a side note, please pardon me if you're thinking that this is such an emo post!
The sudden lost of self-identity must be part of quarter-life crisis (if i do live til 100 haha). So, excuse me :(


Or, causing it might be the major changes in my work environment for the past 1.5 years.
Might be health reasons, I'm getting older & weaker, boo.
Perhaps, growing up also makes me realise that the world is actually more warped than expected. Everyone's kinda lost and becoming much more colder.
I can't find the very much appreciated warmth (as it had seemed) anymore.
Losing faith and confidence in various areas :/
I will need to find it back.

Nevertheless, a huge huge thanks to friends, and all those who had been there in some way or another whenever I'm down.
It had really meant the world to me even though I might not have portrayed it then. You guys know how emotionless/stoned I look lah normally. Your words/smses/calls/ice-cream talks had been a great deal, not only at that moment, but whenever I think back or need to pick myself up from similar shit.
To my family who annoys me sometimes, but still love me and took care of me regardless.
To you, for being there and giving me love & support & courage <3

I need to go on a soul searching journey.

To understand life more deeply.
To find myself this year.

To believe in the many things I do.
With my love ones around, I know I can do it soon :)

Cheers to a new year :)



//
No countdown parties for me FYI.
This is a scheduled post, and I'm most probably gonna work til near midnight.. Go home & have new year's midnight gongyo with my family <3
Those who are having countdowns, enjoy yourselves! :)